A Melbournian’s “First Time”

I felt compelled to write again tonight.

I need to share the experience with someone in relation to my “first time.”

Although it was quick, it was fantastic. I felt a feeling that I had never felt before. There were tingling sensations throughout my arms, hands and fingers. It was kind of unexpected, as it was unplanned at the start of the night. I was awkward and uncoordinated at first. But, as I gained momentum, and the limited experience I was gaining continued, I felt more at ease in the activity I was undertaking. It wasn’t a private affair, as there were many people about. I would have preferred the event to be more private, but I guess when you decide to do something in the spur of the moment, and your mind is made up, you should always focus on the task at hand, and not worry about those who may be watching or listening. My partner was impressed at the attention to detail, the eagerness to learn, the eagerness to practice again, and again and again. My partner commented that I had a great pool of talent when it came to this, but it just needs to be “polished” a little, with practice.

It happened all too quickly for my likening. I want to do it again. I am not fussy who my partner is. Ugly, tall, short, fat, glamorous, cute, young or old, I don’t care. It was my first time, I will always remember it as being my first time, and shall laugh at it when I reflect upon it in the future.

Tonight, I played GOLDEN TEE with Chich. I hope you weren’t thinking of any other activity either, although I am in no doubt you picked I was describing Golden Tee in the first place.

To be exact, it was Golden Tee 2002. A new version. We only played three holes, but it was enough to get me hooked. The first hole was ordinary. My tee shot ended up behind where I had teed off. But after the three holes, I was six over par. My third hole was the best. The tee shot landed 2.89 meters from the pin. I three-putted the damn hole for a bogey. I just can’t get the short game thing happening. Bunkers were terrible. Putting was terrible, but that I guess, is where the practice thing comes in. I did observe however, that Chich is quite the “snake in the grass” when it comes to the short game. I was landing them pretty well from within the short iron distance. Chich got the longest put award on the machine. He putted a monster of 22.64 meters to take the honour of the award.

I now understand the hype surrounding that game. Only wish I had played Golden Tee at ESPN Zone on that infamous Friday in Chicago. Yes, the Friday in which the Blue Moon Incident resulted in nasty effects. The Friday in which we drank at Melvin B’s, the Friday in which we ate at the Big Bowl, the Friday in which I got stood up, and just as importantly, the Friday in which I should have (in hindsight) gone out with the Purple Penis Eater at Marge’s for some… yada yada yada. I also forgot to mention, the Friday was also the day I experienced for the first time, a double cheese at the Billy Goat Tavern. That was memorable too.

I digress, I am quite annoyed at myself for not broadening my horizons earlier, particularly whilst in Chicago, and comitting myself to a game of Golden Tee. Now that I have found a Golden Tee 2002, I shall be a keen student of the game. However, the establishment in which this game is kept, is not too great. It is a pool hall, with a live band on Fridays (who were ordinary, playing covers of Pearl Jam, Blink 182, Greenday, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, etc. etc.) and a disco/nightclub on Saturday nights. In Australia, we term the people who attended this establishment as “Bogans.” The Bogans wear tight faded jeans, generally a black Metalica t-shirt or some other death metal band, and a flanalette shirt over the top. Body piercing is generally common, as too are tattoos and unemployment benefits being received from government social security agencies.

There were however, some nice girls. One in which, Chich was particularly excited about. She was playing pool next to us, and was wearing jeans and a short top. Everytime she leaned over the pool table, the jeans would creep down, exposing an extremely eye catching, perhaps even upon closer inspection, a somewhat well worn (and even tatty?) G-string, or as the Americans call them, thong.

Chich was quite proud of the perve session, as too was our friend from high school who we met at the “Lower” (my favourite Friday night bar) earlier that evening. It was our friend who suggested we attend this establishment to shoot some pool. I however, was not overly impressed. Yes, it was nice, yes – girls do look attractive wearing them, but geez, it just wasn’t doing for me, particularly when accompanied with jeans. Call me wierd, but that was just me.

Anyway, the theme to all of this, is that Golden Tee receives the thumbs up from the Mad Dog.

So, on that note, I hope this email has brought a smile to your face, a craving for Golden Tee, and perhaps just as importantly, a desire for a Blue Moon. [Editor’s note: the mention of Blue Moon is a reference to the “Blue Moon Incident.”]

~ Have a good story relating to drinking in Melbourne? Email us. ~

– written by Mad Dog