Below is a transcript from a Foster’s ad that ran in Australia during the 2001 Summer Olympics, held in Australia. Below that is a counterpoint to the Foster’s ad, called the Real Aussie, that Foster’s would never be brave enough to air but many claim is accurate nonetheless. Enjoy. Thanks to Mad Dog for sending along this little nugget.
Olympic Fosters Ad
I don’t have a kangaroo for a pet
I don’t wrestle with crocodiles
And I don’t wear a cork hat
I fight wars
But never start wars
I would rather make peace
I can wear my country’s flag with pride
I am a rock
I am the ocean
I am the island continent
My neighbours are the Smiths, the Wilsons, the Santerellis, the De Costis, the Wongs and the Jagamarras
I play football without a helmet
I like beetroot on my hamburger
I ride in the front seat of the taxi
I believe it’s a prawn not a shrimp
I believe the world is round and down under is on top
I believe Australia is the best address on Earth
And Australians brew the best beer.
The Real Aussie
I ate my pet Kangaroo
I am shit scared of crocodiles
And I wear a baseball cap
I love star wars
And the wookie is my favorite
I would rather get pissed
And watch someone else carry the country’s flag with pride
I like to rock
And swim in the ocean
I am blind to my incompetence
My neighbours are the Smiths, the Wilsons, the Wogs, the Lebs, the Chinks and the Abos
I watch football with a tinnie
I take the beetroot off my hamburgers…
And throw Macca’s pickles on windows
I do runners from taxis
I believe the world is flat
And Australia is fucking miles away from anywhere
I believe Australia is the best address on Earth
And Australians brew the best beer
And that’s why we never touch Fosters…
We export that shit.